Musings on Friendship and Marriage

As I’ve mentioned before, I consider myself to be incredibly lucky. I have a large handful of incredibly close girls and gays. So close, in fact, that they have jokingly named themselves my “Committee.” I’ve always been a talker. When life hands me lemons I don’t automatically make lemonade. Instead, I’m likely to pick up the phone and talk, and talk, and talk about the lemons. I call my Mom, the Committee and sometimes even my husband. After hashing through whatever issue I’m facing multiple times, I’m usually able to come to a decision and I may even make that metaphorical lemonade.

Lemonade

I often hear the romantic notion that people should marry their best friend. Now, I’m not saying that Andrew is not my best friend.  He is my best friend. He’s also my partner, my confidante and one of my favorite playmates. But, he certainly isn’t my only best friend. In fact, I have so many people that I consider best friends that my bridesmaids joked about it during their wedding speeches. I got married in my early thirties and by the time I was walking down the aisle I had formed a large, and in my opinion, completely awesome support group. For years I had been relying on a patchwork of silly, intelligent, funny, insightful people to help me tackle life’s challenges. My marriage didn’t change that and I don’t think it should have. Andrew knows me well enough to know how much I value my nearest and dearest and I’d like to think that it’s one of the reasons that he loves me.

I believe that focusing on my friendships makes my marriage stronger, not weaker. I am not, and have never been, the type of woman that can have all of her needs met by just one person, male or female. Expecting Andrew to carry the entire burden of emotionally supporting me through life is a recipe for disaster. Devoting time and energy to maintaining my friendships leaves me more refreshed and centered when I’m at home. I feel incredibly lucky to have a husband who understands my need to operate my life by “Committee” rule, even when that means I interrupt an important discussion to call one of my girls, have to juggle our schedule to show up for their important events, or that I run away periodically to spend some quality alone time with the other important people in my life. If both Andrew and I divide our focus between our marriage and our friends and family our little nuclear unit will be enriched.

How do you balance friendship and marriage?  Parenting and friendship? Friendship and work?

For more interesting musings on the importance of female friendship I highly recommend checking out the book and the blog MWF Seeking BFF.

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Sunday Night Suppers

It’s funny how social circles can change so gradually you hardly notice. A few years ago my NYC life was filled to the brim with acquaintances and a heaping handful of good friends. Then, one by one, they moved on to new adventures in different cities. Luckily they’ve ran off to exciting places like NOLA, San Diego and LA so I always have somewhere warm to visit. However, over the last six months I’ve found myself, more than occasionally, feeling a little lonely. Don’t get me wrong. In the friends department I’m incredibly lucky. I’ve been super blessed with tons of amazing ladies, both in NYC and around the country. But I’ve been jonesing for some additional quality girly hang out time and some new faces for my circle.

Solution? An old friend and I decided to start a girly cooking club. We christened it Sunday Night Suppers and opened the group to any interested women. The only requirements being that you RSVP in a timely manner and you bring some food to share. I hosted our inaugural dinner this last Sunday. We ate delicious lasagna and gorged on homemade desserts. I made an old favorite from The Best Light Recipe, Meat & Cheese Lasagna. It’s always a hit, and relatively healthy too!  (It secretly uses ground turkey in place of ground beef, shh!)

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Sadly I forgot to take a picture of the actual lasagna. You’ll have to trust me, it was yummy! All in all, it was a delightful evening filled with delicious food and even better conversation. The group is a mix of old friends and new acquaintances. I can’t wait to get to know everyone better and see how the group develops a personality of its own. I’m already looking forward to next month, I’ve heard a rumor there might be mussels involved