Musings on Friendship and Marriage

As I’ve mentioned before, I consider myself to be incredibly lucky. I have a large handful of incredibly close girls and gays. So close, in fact, that they have jokingly named themselves my “Committee.” I’ve always been a talker. When life hands me lemons I don’t automatically make lemonade. Instead, I’m likely to pick up the phone and talk, and talk, and talk about the lemons. I call my Mom, the Committee and sometimes even my husband. After hashing through whatever issue I’m facing multiple times, I’m usually able to come to a decision and I may even make that metaphorical lemonade.

Lemonade

I often hear the romantic notion that people should marry their best friend. Now, I’m not saying that Andrew is not my best friend.  He is my best friend. He’s also my partner, my confidante and one of my favorite playmates. But, he certainly isn’t my only best friend. In fact, I have so many people that I consider best friends that my bridesmaids joked about it during their wedding speeches. I got married in my early thirties and by the time I was walking down the aisle I had formed a large, and in my opinion, completely awesome support group. For years I had been relying on a patchwork of silly, intelligent, funny, insightful people to help me tackle life’s challenges. My marriage didn’t change that and I don’t think it should have. Andrew knows me well enough to know how much I value my nearest and dearest and I’d like to think that it’s one of the reasons that he loves me.

I believe that focusing on my friendships makes my marriage stronger, not weaker. I am not, and have never been, the type of woman that can have all of her needs met by just one person, male or female. Expecting Andrew to carry the entire burden of emotionally supporting me through life is a recipe for disaster. Devoting time and energy to maintaining my friendships leaves me more refreshed and centered when I’m at home. I feel incredibly lucky to have a husband who understands my need to operate my life by “Committee” rule, even when that means I interrupt an important discussion to call one of my girls, have to juggle our schedule to show up for their important events, or that I run away periodically to spend some quality alone time with the other important people in my life. If both Andrew and I divide our focus between our marriage and our friends and family our little nuclear unit will be enriched.

How do you balance friendship and marriage?  Parenting and friendship? Friendship and work?

For more interesting musings on the importance of female friendship I highly recommend checking out the book and the blog MWF Seeking BFF.

Advertisements

Well-Heeled Wednesday: Tretorns for Spring

As somewhat of a canvas shoe aficionado, I’ve had a long and happy relationship with Tretorns.  Over the years, I’ve found that their non-sneaker offerings tend to be my favorites.  For example, I bought this pair of cheery yellow flats a few years ago that I wore until the streets of New York made them too dirty to be cleaned.  I miss them.

This year, I’ve got my eye on this pair of canvas loafers.  True to Tretorn form, they’re bright, fun and simple.

And for the men (or ladies with big feet like me), I’m also loving these boat shoes.

Well-Heeled Wednesday Bonus: Our friend at Cashmere & Wit is joining in on the Wednesday fun!

Sunday Morning Reads

A few of our favorite links from around the web this week:

Amazing round-up of fancy sweatshirts.

Love this public art display in the Bay Area.

Crime fighting Buffy style.  Because punning shouldn’t be just for slayers.

Great hair tutorial for getting natural looking curls – for those of of who are hair challenged, I know I am!

If I were crafty I would make this Ice Cream Cone Garland.  Maybe Triddles can make it!

An interesting approach to the glut of lawyers in America. Or you could take our routes and either leave the law or go back to grad-school.

The 90s are back. We think this looks just like Willow Rosenberg.  Yes, that’s two Buffy references in one post.  Nerd-alert.

Awesome infographic on London and New York (although, the absence of Prospect Park is bizarre).

Terrifying.

This looks like the perfect Sunday morning breakfast.

New issue of Matchbook Mag!

 

Amazing Speech

Ash Beckham recently spoke in Bolder about not using the phrase “so gay” as an insult. Embarrassingly, when I was in college I once described someone as a c$@!-sucker in front of a gay friend. He calmly and kindly explained to me that the word was a slur for homosexual, explained why, and told me he found it offensive. I was horrified. I was also enlightened. I’m so grateful that he had the guts and heart to call me out. We are only in the rarest of Facebook contact ten years later, but he forever made me a better person. Ash says in her speech that “when you hear someone describe something pejoratively as ‘so gay’ it is an opportunity for connection and conversation not to be missed.” I hope that I, like my college friend, can be a source for continued understanding and acceptance in my community.

“Say what you mean and mean what you say because the words that you choose matter.”

(Thanks Joanna!)

Travel Find: The Perfect French Bakery

I’m spending the next few days in New Orleans visiting one of my best friends. I just adore this city. NOLA often feels like it’s own nation, complete with it’s own traditions, it’s own symbols, and even it’s own language, Who Dat?!? Lucky for us, they also have their own vibrant culinary tradition. Po-Boys, gumbo, beignets, crawfish and french pastries, oh my! I love wandering around the city, taking in the semi-tropical feel and eating, eating, eating. Today I had the perfect lunch at the perfect Frech Bakery, La Boulangerie on Magazine Street Uptown. Their selection of pastries cannot be beat. I treated myself to a quiche AND a lemon tart. Amazing.

LaBoulangerie

Well-Heeled Wednesday: Fair Weather Flats

I am heading to New Orleans for a few days and can’t wait to break out my warm weather shoes. I have a closetful of fun, playful flats but I’m always coveting new pairs. Cole Haan recently introduced the Manhattan Ballet flat in a ton of awesome colors and I want them all! I especially adore the teal shown below. I can’t wait to get my hands on them, although I have to admit I’m a little sad they don’t contain Nike Air technology. Hopefully they will still be crazy comfortable!

ColeHaanManhattan

Minor Obsession: Vibrant Scarves

Here’s the thing: I wear a lot of navy.  If it wouldn’t be a little bit weird, I’d wear navy every day.  I love the color.  But I know that all my favorite navy sweaters, dresses and tops look better with a bright splash of color.  For the last year I’ve been wearing the same orange and pink scarves over and over with my navy wardrobe.  So, I’m constantly on the lookout for new, cheap scarf options.  ASOS has two that are remarkably well-priced and lovely.

purpole

A great purple.

mosaic

Such a fun mosaic print.

And, for the times when just a bit of color will work (and when price is no concern), I love this ladybug (ladybird, for the Brits) scarf from Red Brick.

ladybirdslowres_640

And, just for Coley Di, check out these pretty swimming ladies:

swmming

Style Roundup: Cozy Sweatshirts

A few months ago I accepted a job where I work from the comfort of my apartment. A work from home gig has tons of benefits, no commute, a well-stocked fridge and most importantly no pressure to dress in fancy work clothes!  I love getting to spend most days in glorified versions of my jammies.  A pair of leggings and a cozy sweatshirt is my go-to outfit.  Sweatshirts have several benefits – they’re warm, if chosen well they’re somewhat presentable for when someone knocks on my door, and the pockets make it easy to carry things around the apartment.  The beauties below are a few that I am currently living in:

Lucy Sculpted CoatI love the Lucy Sculpted Coat. It’s longer than most sweatshirts so it covers my bum. I still believe leggings really aren’t pants, so I appreciate the extra coverage. It also features deep pockets. I can carry my cellphone, my home phone and some lip balm in those babies! (And yes, I may look a little ridiculous). One of my favorite things about Lucy is that they run great sales, in fact this lovely is currently marked down.

LuLu Scuba

The classic Lulu Scuba hoodie was one of the first “upscale” sweatshirts I owned.  I have a purple version that I’ve been wearing for years and thanks to one of my good friends I am the proud new owner of an aqua version straight from the insane Lulu warehouse sale. I’m curious about this new stretchy version.  Can’t wait to try it!

Zella Purple

I was recently introduced to the Zella Galaxy hoodies.  The fit is similar to the classic scuba, the fleece is cozy and the price is great.  I adore my grape version and wouldn’t mind owning several other colors as well. I recommend ordering a size up, the fit tends to be a bit snug. It looks like they are currently out of stock online but keep an eye out at Nordstrom’s for good deals on the sales racks!

Sunday Morning Reads

A few of our favorite links from around the web:

If only life in NYC was as simple as landing a glamorous job and then a Park Avenue Penthouse. Oh Disney, you make us giggle.

Cake in a cup? Sign me up.

OMG, I’m obsessed with photos of North Korea (Triddles).

Tips for having a house guest – if only I had a guest room!

A happy story about an unusual family – We Found Our Son on the Subway.

There are a few things Iowa does really well. Raising the Perfect Pig is definitely one of them.